been quite a long time since i made a looong post.
so i warn you beforehand, i think this is gonna be a long one :p


(sigh)
saw jessica in the library today(or rather she came to look for me! ><) and she kept jio-ing me to try out the DSA for AJ choir.
...
sorry random, but bathing really gives me time to think through about a lot of things.
so while bathing i was thinking if i should really try out for the auditions..

i started out singing because from young, i loved to sing.
and somehow maybe that passion of mine has slightly tweaked?
i've never really liked the limelight; all i wanted was to sing.
if you put me alone on stage i would freak out, seriously. even though from primary 3 till this year i've been performing on stage dozens of times.
somehow i think it's genetics? like my mum doesn't like to attract attention and me too.
i don't really like everyone to look at me.

so i was thinking: if i really join and i really pass, would i eventually carve a future out of singing?
as time went by, i went through lots of things and i've met with pretty much setbacks.
at least, for my age i think i've gone through quite a lot.

...okay, i'm getting nowhere with this and somehow i'm getting hungry because i think popo's heating up the curry! *no relation*
the thing is, i think i've been afraid to try out new things.
maybe because i'm a person who over-analyses. whenever i see a situation; or something that is planned tomorrow, i would think about what happen. what people would do. what if i did something wrong. what if something bad happens on that day. what if i don't go.
all sorts of useless things like that.
for this DSA thingy,i've thought of what if i pass. if my results aren't that great, what would people think?
would they look down on me and say that i'm here just because i passed the audition?
i know my singing's unstable. i've been going on like a rollercoaster ride because okay, i admit, i'm lazy ><"
so when i don't sing well, will someone think that way?
and the pressure. there's expectations, especially when you pass DSA (wait, i'm not saying this because i think i will pass; i don't even know if i'm going! i'm just giving an "if" situation)..when you don't sing well, someone will blame you for not doing your work or something right?
and the long hours. i know i'm gonna have to commit a lot of time and effort because singing in a junior college choir isn't just as simple as going for practices 2 to 3 times or even more a week.

ahhhh, i'm really confused.

maybe i should just go for it...
but i don't really know.

i haven't checked the details, maybe i will later..?



i'm repeating this, but i seriously don't know if singing will help me carve out a career.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don't know!




disclaimer: (LOL what is this for!) i am in no position to say that i am good enough to pass any auditions. i'm just penning (or typing lol) my thoughts down because i'm feeling confused. whether i go or don't go, i still stress that i never said i was good enough. and in no way am i getting pity from anyone. like i said, i'm just posting what i feel.


okay that's all.


last question: anyone else going for DSA? or for the direct school thingy to poly?